<snadra> heh, I got a Hershey's Kiss with three flags!
<rachel> wow, is that like, a lesser-known sign of the apocalypse?

<arcas> "Fake armored-car guard takes $100,000 from Wal-Mart"
* blaine watches the smiley face tap the car and turn it into 85,000

<scromp> fuck you, after Firefly's early demise, I want nothing more than
 for TV to become a burnt, salted wasteland, unusable for seven painful
generations
<scromp> one unworthy show at a time
<scromp> you'll tivo the test pattern and by god you'll invite friends
 over to watch

<blaine> wow, folgers crystals. i don't know what to say.
<blaine> it's kinda fun to drink.
<blaine> i pretend i'm a representative of the federation who's been
 stationed on a klingon bird of prey durin an expecially tense mission
<blaine> and i ask the mess for some coffee and they give me k'hhhrapp,
 the klingon equivalent
<blaine> to prove to the crew that i can't be intimidated, i drink it
 stoicly
<shimr> you should also beat the livin' crap out of anyone who 
 challenges your authority or manhood
<blaine> i even develop a perverse taste for it and continue to drink
it. it becomes a small character quirk.
<blaine> "Verhh K'laphaan Federation k'hhhrapp" (He pretends to like it
 as he likes the drippings from a mother's teat)
<blaine> As the crew chuckled, lt. blaine eyed the witty young warrior
 "V'krhpp vert vert tro'hAAAA Klapst!" (I will meet you on the field of
 telephone unicycle brick show me the nearest consulate please?)
<blaine> The crew eyed the nonsensical federation officer in puzzlement.
<scromp> what the hell did i accidentally join #trek-fanfic or some shit?
<blaine> sorry, substitute klingons with vampires
<blaine> and pretend i'm a watcher
<blaine> there, you're back to good

*** Hollis has joined #lolochezia
<Hollis> and then I ask myself, well, how did i get here?
<rachel> THIS IS NOT MY BEAUTIFUL CHAT
<kris> haha
<Hollis> THIS IS NOT MY GONADS AND STRIFE

<blaine> wow, so as the maintenance guy was leaving he paused and
 sorta looked at me with amused distraction
<blaine> "They's over there talking about a snake swallowing a 
 manhole."
<blaine> "What? You mean like a manhole cover?"
<slather> bill is hitting on you dude
<blaine> "No, a man. Whole."
<blaine> "Err, that's no good."
<blaine> "He didn't live."
<blaine> and then he left!
<blaine> i'm scared for my life here people
<slather> <bill> IT RUBS THE LOTION INTO ITS SKIN

<blaine> so I pull up to mickey d's this morning and go for the 
 sausage mcmuffin instead of the usual breaky burritos
<blaine> get my exact change ready and finally my turn at the drive
 through window and the lady stares at me dumbfounded
<blaine> this went on for 10 seconds and i'm holding my exact change
 out like a good little boy and i'm thinking "Do I have a boogy or
 something?"
<blaine> and she says "You got THIS?! A sausage mcmuffin!?"
<blaine> "Err, yea. Guilty."
<blaine> i was proud i said guilty, btw. that was cool
<blaine> "Oh I thought I'd messed up bigtime. You always get the 
 burritos!"
<blaine> she was lucky i was in an indulgent mood. any other day 
 and i would have panicked and sped off "She knows me!"

<blaine> so the human ice cream truck just walked by
<blaine> whistling Turkey in the Straw so loudly it almost made me
 Pro-death penalty.
<hide> and now you've got the song stuck in your head, and now you
 are pro-death penalty?
<blaine> i'm humming it with morbid words
<blaine> I will stab you in the stomach with a piece of broken glass
 then I'll shove a baseball bat into your kidneys through your ass!

<nug> I'm not allowed to talk about hot sex or of the frequency it occurs
<nug> fyi: this is not kris' rule
<nug> it's blaine's
<blaine> he is also 'not allowed' to sing Oh What a Beautiful Morning
 using his Templeton the Rat impersonation at the local shopping mall
<nug> they let me sing "I Think We're Alone Now"
<nug> one guy almost danced
<nug> he was kind of far away but I think it was Hollis

*** arcas is now known as _
<_> Night before last someone called and asked for Debbie, I told them
 that I was Debbie. Sounding obviously male to the lady, she again said
 "Debbie?" and I said, in an even deeper voice "Yes?" and she said "MISS
 Debbie Hoyt?" and I said "This is Debbie, how can I help you?".
<_> Now she sounded really confused but none-the-less started in on her
 sales pitch, saying she was with Silk Eze Panty Hose and they had some 
 kind of deal for me.
<_> I stopped her and said "since the sex change, I don't need panty hose
 anymore, please remove me from your calling list".
*** _ is now known as arcas