<martel> its when i see the temperature is 99degrees and notice the trees
are perfectly still that I imagine them screaming
<nug> hah
<rippy> there is unrest in the forest, there is trouble with the trees
<scromp> the oaks have formed a union and walmart broke their knees

<Xach> too god damn hot to work :(
<scromp> more like too god damn lazy
<scromp> ben franklin didn't have air conditioning but he didn't whine
about the heat when he was inventing freedom

cooper: I'm like a clock, Kim. A clock that poops.

scromp: What do you think about getting a farm truck? We can park it out back.
chime: Sure. We've got plenty of space in the driveway
scromp: No, I mean park it out in the yard behind the shed.
chime: No. NO! You are not parking a truck in the yard!
scromp: what?! I'll put it up on blocks!

Note: do not let scromp label your moving boxes.

<mover guy> Um... ma'am. Where do you want this box? It says "Clown costumes and faire getup."
<chime> Yeah... those are actually my clothes. Master bedroom, please. 

<scromp> I like tequila... just not every day.

<scromp> you know the saying
<scromp> tequila then chianti... good idea.

I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait."

Mitch Hedberg 

<martel> co-creator of D&D died today
<rippy> he failed his saving throw! :(  why couldn't he have rolled a 20
* rippy puts on his +20 helmet of dork.
<martel> sigh
* hide breaks out his +15 sheild of geek
<archon> what did he drop?
<martel> poop most likely
<archon> let's random for it
<martel> pass
<hide> fewl

"How much does it cost? A dollar! I am not paying a dollar for a penny. That's a hundred percent markup!"

 - A mom at the Newport Aquarium discussing with her child why they won't be using the squished penny souvenir machine.